I’ve waited awhile to talk about this publicly. Maybe we needed time to grieve, because in a sense it felt like we had children that just died. Maybe I was in denial, just hoping that things would somehow change and our children would be able to come home with us.
Two months ago we learned that an uncle objected to the adoption of Jonathan, most likely because of the strange rumors about adoption traveling around Ghana. You see, our kids were almost home. They were legally our children, legally deemed orphans and we even just needed one more piece of paper to officially have those visas stamped in their already printed passports.
When we learned of this, Jonathan was already moved from the foster home to live with the uncle that was never in his life in the first place.
We were hurt.
We were heartbroken.
We were sad that this little boy and girl who for one year were living together and bonding as brother and sister and best friends would be torn apart. But, we thought it through and if this uncle was to love, care for, protect, and treat Jonathan like his own child, then we were happy that this was the outcome for our son.
That first trip to meet them changed everything.
We didn’t just imagine them as our children anymore, they were our children.
We learned their personalities, what they like to eat, what games they like to play, and how they react when they get hurt. We took them out to eat, we swam with them, comforted them when they were sad and we bonded with them.
…. As parents and children.
Continuing on with what seemed like the worst nightmare being played out in my life, I received a call three weeks after the news of Jonathan, that the exact. same. situation happened with Faustina. Distant family members now opposed the adoption, most likely due to ill-informed people spreading lies about adopted children’s lives in America.
The day we received that call, we weren’t just going to sit back and sulk about the situation, we were going to go to Ghana and see what we could do. We had just been able to process what happened with Jonathan, but now Faustina?
Talk about hitting us while we were already down.
Something like this had never happened before with two unrelated children who were so far in the Ghana adoption process with the same family. Their room was all ready, their beds were made, they were registered for Kindergarten and we even had their plane tickets home.
This just seemed like some dirty trick. Was God really going to do this to us? Here we stepped out in faith at 25 to add to our family through adoption despite all of the hurdles mounted against us and now He was going to do this to us? (That’s shamefully what I thought). We thought we were in control, but boy was I wrong. Maybe we were getting too comfortable, maybe we didn’t rely on Him enough.
Sitting on the plane from Amsterdam to Ghana, TJ and I decided to put all of our fears behind us and TRUST.
We weren’t going to be hurt anymore, or mad, or frustrated. How ever this chapter in our lives was going to turn out, it was going to turn out the way God planned it to. Not the way WE planned it to.
Ultimately when we got to Ghana, which I wrote about here, we learned that there was nothing we could do. It was final and there was nothing we could do or say to get Jonathan and Faustina home.
We learned that Jonathan has relatives somewhere abroad that now might be interested in adopting him. Faustina was already moved from the relatives that requested her back, to another village with a different aunt. We hope that these two little children won’t keep being bounced from place to place. They’ve had constant change in their lives and it would be an answered prayer that they are somewhere being loved just as much as we love them. We hope that one day soon we will be able to find out where they are living and check up on them to make sure they are o.k., and they are able to go to school… and are happy.
Since we never got to say goodbye….
Dear Jonathan and Faustina,
One day when you are older, you may be sitting in an Internet cafe in Ghana. And through divine intervention you may come across this blog and see photos of yourself when you were younger with people you may not remember. Maybe faint memories will start to come back of the “obrunis” you used to call Mommy and Daddy. Maybe you remember all of the times we went swimming…. that time Jonathan, who couldn’t swim, dove head first into the swimming pool without fear, but sure scared Mom half to death! Maybe you remember when you two put on Mom’s makeup and we all had a good laugh.
There is one thing that I want to tell you. Remember the last time we said goodbye? We promised we would be back soon and when that time came we would ride on an airplane! Home.
We are sorry. We are sorry we never came back for you like we promised and that we never got to say a final goodbye. We are sorry we won’t be able to do all the things we talked about. That you will never be able to meet your brother, Colton, who was so anxiously waiting for you.
This was not our choice.
If it was our plan, you would be home right now tucked into your bunk beds that Dad built especially for you. But it is not our plan. We know that for some reason, in God’s plan for all of our lives… we are apart…. for now.
We think about you often and pray that you are well.
We love you,
Mom and Dad.