Let me start by saying – I am in no way a relationship expert. Like I have mentioned in prior posts – my husband and I have been married for over 14 years, have three kids, and live in the suburbs. There have been ups and downs – times where we are totally in sync and others where we are out. He is my best friend and I couldn’t or should say wouldn’t want to live without him. Although I can do without the snoring and the clothes lying around.
One Sunday – September 26, 2004 to be exact I read an article in the Sunday paper. I thought it was worthy of ripping out and taping to the inside of my armoire. Every once in awhile I stop to read them – just to remind me to try not to take this relationship for granted.
The following was written by Jeff Herring, a marriage and family therapist.
1. Listen – it sounds so simple, yet it is powerful. Think about it. How do you feel when you know you are really being listened to ? How do you feel when you know you are not being listened to ? See the difference ? Listening while reading the paper is not listening (this is what my husband was doing as I began reading the list to him). Listening with your eyes, attention and heart is listening.
2. Apologize - In any relationship more than a month old, you will have something for which to apologize. A geniune apology communicates that you care enough about the other person to admit when you are wrong. Apologizing is not giving in; it’s giving your heart.
3. Appreciate – Do you know anyone who doesn’t like to be appreciated ? It can be as simple as ” I liked it today when..” or ” Thank you for ..” Again, simple, yet powerful.
4. Anticipate – It’s a human need to have something to look forward to. When you look forward together, you draw closer as a couple.
5. Thank the In-Laws – They are responsible, at least in part, for creating the person with whom you fell in love.
6. Compliment – Say something nice about your partner’s dress, shirt, haircut, etc. You can go further with “I really liked how you handled that situation” ” You are such a good mom / dad”.
7. Interest - Show geniune interest in your partner. You show genuine interest when you demonstrate that you’ve been paying attention.
8. Touch, Hold, Caress – Everyone needs to be touched.
9. Dreams – Know the dreams of your partner. It is hard to really know someone unless you know his or her dreams. It is even better when you know someone’s dreams and support them. It’s even better still when you know someon’s dreams and contribute to having those dreams come true.
1o. Ask Questions – Asking questions in one way to show geniune interest and to discover someone’s dreams. It compliments and honors them. When someone asks about your dreams, you understand that you are being listened to.
As Jeff Herring says -” if you pick just one of these tips, commit to doing it and then do it, I bet your relationship just might improve. I wonder what would happen if you did all 10″.
These are wonderful tips. I am going to email this link to some friends. Have a nice day!